Le Sigh
Im making this blog post mainly as a supplement explanation to my facebook relationship status reversal.
Basically, I wasn't really as into Dawn as I thought I was. I wanted to be in a relationship so bad, that I was basically just forcing myself to like her. It definitely showed while we were fooling around, or when I'd make up an excuse to postpone her visit to the next day. My heart wasn't really in it, and that wasn't fair to her.
Also, to go from 7 years being single, to suddenly being in a relationship was really overwhelming for me, and my anxiety took hold and that wasn't helping matters any either.
Also, upon further reflection during my work day today, I realized we didn't actually have a super ton of things in common. There were a few things, but she didn't enjoy things that I liked. All we really did when she came over was watch a show, and then fool around. There was no real connection there.
Frankly I went to quickly into this, without stopping to be honest with myself. I was just too excited about the prospect of a relationship.
So yah, after a long drawn out day of worrying and fussing to myself while I worked (super productive day at work as a result), I phoned Dawn up this evening, and broke up with her. While I like to try to take comfort in the fact that I was doing the right thing by not drawing the relationship out longer, hearing Dawn get upset on the phone and almost cry made me feel like dirt. I doubt I'll eat tonight because I feel like such a dick.
However, my sister says I did the right thing. She called me up like instantly after I changed my status. She said I shouldn't feel like a dick, because I'd have been a bigger dick if I didn't break up with her after realizing I wasn't really all that into it.
So I don't know. Its a bit confusing really as I try to sort myself out a bit. I know I don't feel bad that we're broken up. I feel relieved that I'm not putting on a charade. However, I do feel bad that I didn't end it sooner and instead lied to myself about what I felt. As a result it made it harder on Dawn. Blargle.
I'll be fine, with time. I just felt like writing this blog for now for those who ask what happened, because it'll be a while before I really actually feel like discussing it.
Basically, I wasn't really as into Dawn as I thought I was. I wanted to be in a relationship so bad, that I was basically just forcing myself to like her. It definitely showed while we were fooling around, or when I'd make up an excuse to postpone her visit to the next day. My heart wasn't really in it, and that wasn't fair to her.
Also, to go from 7 years being single, to suddenly being in a relationship was really overwhelming for me, and my anxiety took hold and that wasn't helping matters any either.
Also, upon further reflection during my work day today, I realized we didn't actually have a super ton of things in common. There were a few things, but she didn't enjoy things that I liked. All we really did when she came over was watch a show, and then fool around. There was no real connection there.
Frankly I went to quickly into this, without stopping to be honest with myself. I was just too excited about the prospect of a relationship.
So yah, after a long drawn out day of worrying and fussing to myself while I worked (super productive day at work as a result), I phoned Dawn up this evening, and broke up with her. While I like to try to take comfort in the fact that I was doing the right thing by not drawing the relationship out longer, hearing Dawn get upset on the phone and almost cry made me feel like dirt. I doubt I'll eat tonight because I feel like such a dick.
However, my sister says I did the right thing. She called me up like instantly after I changed my status. She said I shouldn't feel like a dick, because I'd have been a bigger dick if I didn't break up with her after realizing I wasn't really all that into it.
So I don't know. Its a bit confusing really as I try to sort myself out a bit. I know I don't feel bad that we're broken up. I feel relieved that I'm not putting on a charade. However, I do feel bad that I didn't end it sooner and instead lied to myself about what I felt. As a result it made it harder on Dawn. Blargle.
I'll be fine, with time. I just felt like writing this blog for now for those who ask what happened, because it'll be a while before I really actually feel like discussing it.
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